Patrick Christian Barbosa

   Hi, Patrick. How are you? Are you making some friends up there? I don't know what is going on up there, but from reading George Anderson' s books, it seemed as there is a whole new world in Heaven. People... I mean the spirits are working, making friends, helping new ones cross over... I pray they are very old spirits crossing over. Then again who am I kidding? This is life... a great mystery.

It's so hard to understand this new transition or grab this concept about the After- life. All I know  and understand a mother should make that transition before her child and greet her child in Heaven. I don't understand anything else. I am trying very hard to have faith on myself and trust God, but I am aching deeply. I hope God understands me and forgives me for my thoughts.

Tonight, your cousins Jevany, Alex came over to spend time with Kevin. I made dinner for all the boys, and it was so hard to hold back my pain and serve them. It is torturing to see boys  around your age having fun or entertaining themselves.  I don't like feeling this way, but I can't help myself for being jealous. I miss you , Patrick... I miss you. I don't know what else to do or think. See you in my dreams when I get to it. Be at peace as always.  I love you very much... I need you near by.

 
  Today is another Wednesday, the worst day of the week... a day I can never forget.
I lost you that day, and since that horrible day my world is incomplete. Just stay in my heart and keep me company so I can be able to walk this torturous journey... a journey of penance. God, please take care of my angel. Help my son earn his wings... help him help his brothers. I am too
broken heart to take care of myself or his brothers... it's Patrick's new deed to keep his brothers on the right path way. Thank you.

I am going to do some reading. I am almost finished with the second book, We Are Not Forgotten from George Anderson. And the sequel of his books I will hit next, is Our Children Forever. You see, Patrick, I have to meet you again. I just wished I was there first at the other side of life to greet my son. Gosh, I miss you so much. Where are you, Patrick?
 I need to keep reading these books and help me understand my great loss, my  tragedy, my unthinkable sorrow... our reunion. My heart is numb, cold... I can't handle any other feeling. Please take care of your brothers for me. I am too lost. Thank you, my son.  I love you Patrick. BE AT PEACE.

       Good evening, Patrick. I hope they are taking care of you very well in heaven. I am really
       aching in my heart, soul... my whole being because I can't accept you are not here... so my
       worst nightmare still continue along my lonesome journey. I really don't know what to do
        or expect in life... I feel hopeless, helpless. I need you, my son.  Catch my devout prayers,
        love, hugs, and kisses in heaven... always and forever.

 
                                         Wishing you a sweet night before I go back to my
                                         restless night as usual.
                                         It has been almost four horrible months since you have left me
                                         empty, lost, and without a will to live. I am not afraid
                                         of dying. You can come for me anytime you want.
                                          This guilt of trusting the doctors to care for my son, are
                                           shredding my heart and soul rapidly. Why You?
                                           Good night again, my son... see you in my dreams whenever
                                           I get the chance to fall sleep.
                                           My life is really shattered and I am squeezed beneath
                                          
                                             I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU IMMENSELY!! HUGS AND KISSES!

Hi, Patrick

I hope you are happy in  Heaven, unfortunately I am not happy in here. I miss you so much. I am trying very hard to do things for you. I bought a lot of candies (The candies that you liked) and I just finished giving them away. I had a lot of people (Children, adults, teenagers) Kevin, Jen, Desiree, Dion, and Armani went trick & treat together. Steve, Tina, Alyana, and Braelynn stopped by the house for some candies. My heart was not up to give away candies, but I had to do it for my loving son. Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming and I don't know what I am going to. I will try again to go with the flow of the holidays for you because it's very hard to hold back my miserable feelings. I miss you so much. I really don't know what the future hold for me with the way I am going... I am so full of anger, guilt that you are not here with me where you suppose to be. You don't belong up there... it's  so wrong for both of us...  God, I am very sorry, but I have to be honest with my feelings.

The neighborhood seemed so happy trick & treating while your mother was horrible from missing you, as I was distributing the candies. Life is surely very unfair and cruel. You were a good boy, Patrick, with a lot of hopes and dreams... and they just vanished with a blink of that fated morning.

Please be happy up there because it's my only consolation. Again Happy Halloween in Heaven. I left you some candies at your little shrine in your bedroom. Take care of yourself. PEACE BE WITH YOU ETERNALLY. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU DEARLY.

Hi, Patrick

I know when you were young you loved going for Trick& Treat until you got old enough to take another role: Passing out candies. You can still continue to pass out sweets from above. Spread your angelic wings to the world, especially your family and feed our hearts and minds with love, kindness, righteousness and faith. Thanks. Stay blessed with God and His Son, and Blessed Mother. You are always loved and missed forever... until we meet. HAPPY HALLOWEEN from here to up in Heaven. My best regards to everyone in heaven. Hugs and kisses.

                                  Yes, Patrick, you are an angel in heaven
                                   Because you are with Jesus now.
                                    He will take care of my loving son
                                    God, Our creator will comfort you
                                    and show you the ropes of being an angel in
                                     heaven as well as in Earth because God
                                      knows your dear brothers need you to show
                                      them the right path... the path of righteousness
                                      and faith. Thanks.

                                      Gosh, I can't get past your sudden demise.
                                       No matter how hard to try to make myself
                                       understand, my heart remains still with denial
                                       anger, and pain. What should I do, my son?
                                       Please Enjoy your Glowing, Peaceful, Eternal
                                       Blessed Life, my Angel.
                                      
                                      
                                     FOREVER MISSED, REMEMBERED, AND LOVED. 
                                  

You are my Shining Star! You are always in my mind and heart... even though they are both shattered. REST In PEACE My ANGEL.

Hi, Patrick. I miss you... I love you. Take care of yourself, my angel. I hope you have met my father, Gabriel who went to heaven when I was just fifteen years old. Your grand-father had a heart of a child... kind, forgiven, easy-going man. My godfather, John Gomes was another great human being with a heart of a child. I guess you took after your grand-father. Please give them my love. I have a  big family in heaven. I send them all my love. I hope you are present each time  during the Masses celebrated for you.

I am reading another book, We Don't Die by George Anderson. Is  it true? Are you still alive but just a little far from me? I truly want to believe this After life... it could be a great console for my broken heart. Let me know please. The author said that when one goes to the other side, one is welcomed by member of family. Does it mean you were greeted by my father... your grand-father, Gabriel? Perhaps your father's mother was also there to greet my beloved son. You did not know my father, but you lived with your grand-mother, Dominga for ten years. How are they treating you up there? Take care, Patrick.
  Love you and miss you, my angel until we meet.