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                                                 " THE TWENTY-THIRD PSALM"

       The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie         down  in green pasture: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his  name's  sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou  preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil: my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I  will dwell in the house of The Lord forever.

You are home, Patrick. I am with you in my Father's home eternally. I love you.   You can rest in peace and be happy.  


                                                                       I NEED YOU, SON

Hello, my Son

Patrick, yesterday I sat at the computer all day and night trying to work on your website. I hope you like your website, and you will be by my side  to give me some great ideas and the focus to do well by you... as you can see it is still under construction.
 Anyhow, I was out of luck in finding any good poems that could define your trait and my love for you, so I could put it on your site. Suddenly, some sweet and sad melodies of you were whispering in my ears and uttering in my thoughts... so I wrote a couple. Again I hope you like them. I also try to upload a World Warcraft trailer from Youtube onto your website, that didn't  work either, but instead, the video found itself home right on your home page. As you already knew and still do, your mother is still trying to learn technology, the computer. But, I can't learn how to live without you. It is the saddest and hardest deed I have to do or endure. How can I go on with life with the piece of my womb missing? I have four sons who had cut my heart into four sections as well as my womb. And now that you are gone to Heaven so soon, what am I supposed to do with these two empty holes in my heart and in my womb? How will I ever fill the spaces?

Please, Patrick, stay close by me, in case I stumble because of my heart that is getting weaker by the moment from missing you so much. You can carry me in  your arms and take me where you think I should be.

Every time my computer had giving me trouble, you used to come to my rescue and fix the problem. Where are you today? I need you and miss you. Last time, the internet went down, and no one could not find the problem or fix it. First, it was Freddy that had tried to fix the problem; then Kevin came to the rescue with no luck. Even Steve, the computer man, could not make the internet to work. Your magic wand that had always saved my day is gone with you. I missed those moments as much as I miss you.

When I used to yell at you about your education, you just politely said, " Go upstairs, you don't know what you are talking about?" Gosh, these words are still echoing in my ears, and I missed hearing them. You are the one son, you had never yelled at me back or screamed at me, or disrespected me.

Since you left me on that fated morning, your memories, those last unmerciful twenty four hours of your short life; our special moment in your bedroom, which you didn't get the chance to enjoy long enough... that memorable day in your bedroom I still see it so clearly, when we were watching and listening to Michael Jackson videos. All these sad and happy moments are constantly haunting my mind, thoughts day and night. These good and bad memories are intertwined in a repeat motion to my over-crowded mind alongside of your shadows... all these memories are again haunting me and piercing my heart. I would like to know and understand the purpose of my great loss, your life... a sweet life that was full of hopes and dreams for you and me, was unfairly cut short... why? Your father and your girlfriend, Monica and your brothers, Frederick, Kevin, especially, Steve who was looking for all three of his brothers to be his ushers on his wedding with Tina... they are all in disbelief with your brusque passing. Alyana missed you a lot. I hope you are looking at her picture frame of love for you every day at the cemetery. It's too bad Braelynn is too young to remember her great uncle. But I hope and wish Steve would be a great coach for that wonderful deed.

 My mother said that you can see us, but we can't see you. I hope it's true, so when you see me doing something wrong or say it unknowingly, you will stop me and redirect me. Since you left me, I am out of focus, strength, and lack of will to do anything. I want to be a great person, mother, grand-mother, etc... I hope I am. My greatest wish, is to accomplish my deed before I join you... to help the world. I know charity, philanthropy, is the way to win the road to Heaven. So when my work is done here, with the grace of God, Jesus, and Blessed mother, you can come for me. Death is not a fear to me anymore. Life is unsure, but death is certain, as Jesus, is certainly the Eucharist... the body of Christ, Blessed Mother is Our mother, and God is Our Creator... and you are certainly forever in my heart.

                                           THE MARTYR OF LOVE AND LOSS OF MY SON

   The love for my son, Patrick, began the moment I found out I was pregnant.
   At five months pregnant, I could not do any house chore, because the pressure of the fetus was unbearable on my womb but acceptable for the undying love of my unborn child.
 July 17, 1988, at 5:20 in the morning, a healthy, big, and cute baby boy was born exactly 9 lb, at Women $ Infant hospital. I named my baby, Patrick Christian Barbosa after the actor, Patrick Swaze, because I was so fond of him and his talent.
Patrick was a quiet baby, an active child, and again back to a quiet, shy, friendly adolescent.
On July, 15, 2009, at around 11: 00 in the morning, my beautiful Patrick passed away in his sleep without a warning after a wonderful journey of twenty short years of his life.
I am left behind in shock, in despair for longing my son and understand my horrible loss.
Believe me when I say my heart won't let me go of my pain and suffering since God called my son home.
I know sometimes, people insensitivity may mean well, but their words still cut deep into my broken heart and weaken it even more as I shed uncontrollable sad tears.

No one understand my love for my son, Patrick or my unforgettable loss... even a mother herself.
My love for my son is unexplainable, unimaginable, unconditionally beyond all the virtue of true love.
Now, imagine me with that same feeling of loss...
It's unthinkable, unspeakable, intolerable beyond all the virtue of hope to get past the reality and the faith that God, Our Creator knows best.
 Now I pray and pray for Patrick and me and for my thoughts good or bad.
I cry and cry for my great loss, my broken heart; my longing for my beloved son, Patrick
I hope and wish to see my son just once and tell him I love and miss him so much beyond words and life itself.
Until we meet, Patrick, rest in peace eternally in Heaven.
As you were an angel on Earth, your wings will now spread bigger in Heaven and upon the blue sky... your favorite color
 Please watch over your family and help me heal and be in peace.


                                                                 LONGING FOR YOUR PRESENCE

Hi, Patrick

Today, I had a counseling session with the Deacon, but he turned to counsel both your brother Frederick and me. I am relieved that your brother did open up with the Deacon. I hope you can hear my pleas about your brother. Please watch over Steve, Frederick, and Kevin and make sure they are safe and happy. For me, I am just taking one day at the time with my journey of grief. No one understand what I am going through or feeling without you in my life. I keep saying it's insane to think far ahead that I will not see you again until we meet in Heaven, because I don't understand the reason you left me. I pray that you and God would make me understand and accept my great loss. I guess God knows best, but my broken heart does not understand or get the concept that my son is gone and is not coming back to me. But, Patrick, you need to let God know that my loving is gone way too soon. What happened to my hopes and dreams for you?  Why do good people have to go so soon? Why do a young person have to go?  I can't get it.... I just can't now. I wish people would stop telling how to grief or when to accept it and move on. I am too lost, hurt, angry to think about my emotions, my loss. I just feel alone and numb....all I can do is cry because I miss you so much. My hopes and dreams for your futures are gone and shattered in a matter of one fated morning along with my life. Please tell God to forgive me for my bad  and selfish thoughts... I am hurting too much. You were a great, respected, kind, hard working man. You deserve to live your life and dreams to the fullest. I know I am not the only who has lost a child, but I am speaking for myself, my pain, my anguish; my frustration... and the hopes I had for all four sons. I hope you are happy and in peace in Heaven because that would be my only console to go on.
I know I have your bothers, Steve, Frederick, and Kevin, but I wanted  my four sons in my life. Life is cruel for sure. You will always be alive in my heart, soul, and heart... and this world. I promise. I am trying very hard  for my loving son to be remembered forever.  As always rest in peace and be happy. Love forever, Mom.  

My son Patrick had such a great relationship with his girlfriend, Monica of almost three years. They had a great plan for their future that never got the chance to come alive. Patrick was the only son I didn't have to worry about his relationship with his wonderful, shy girlfriend just like him. I remembered one true moment of love with Patrick and Monica, which happened three weeks before my son passed away. Patrick was having for the first time his own bedroom because he had always shared a bedroom with his brothers, mostly with his younger brother Kevin. Anyhow, that memorable day, Patrick and Monica moved his bedroom set from one room to another; then they set the whole bedroom just the two of them while joking, chatting, laughing, smiling. I told my husband, " What a pair!" They were just a great team setting and decorating the whole bedroom together: from setting the bedroom, to putting up the windows shades and curtains... they even put a new lock at the door.

In the middle of setting up the bed, Monica, unknowingly had one of the screw of the bed in the pocket of her jacket. After looking for the screw everywhere, they decided to go to Wal Mart and get another set of screw, and that's when they found out that Monica had the screw all along in her pocket. When they came back home, Patrick decided to take the blame  for that crazy forgetfulness for his girlfriend.  This is the wonderful Patrick every one knew and loved. Nothing bothers him. He takes in every thing with a smile, a laugh or a joke. It  is hard to believe that Patrick was a shy, quiet boy with full of sense humor. I say he was sneaky with his fun tricks. Forgive me Patrick. Gosh, I miss my son so much, and it aches  even deeper through my broken heart to think I will not see my son until we meet in Heaven. It's insane and unfair!
 Always loved, missed and remenbered for eternity and beyond! Always will!


                                                           I MISS YOU, MY SON


                                       YOU ARE BOTH LOVED, REMEMBERED, MISSED FOREVER

The day, Michael Jackson passed away, my son Patrick was watching Michael videos all day and night. I was also watching them with Patrick. I would have never imagined that three weeks later, I would mourn my son Patrick... death is surely the cruelest thief of all. Today, since my beloved son Patrick passed away, all I do, is listening to Michael songs, especially "You Are Not Alone." I even listen to the songs with Patrick at the cemetery. I just sit at his gravestone for hours, praying, crying, talking to him while listening softly to Michael Jackson songs.
 I surely can't forget Michael Jackson not only for his great gift in entertaining the world or  great humanity and philanthropy, but  most importantly, for the bond he had with my son Patrick through his music and him as a unique human being.
Rest in peace Patrick... rest in peace Michael Jackson. You are both always loved, missed and remembered forever. I love you Patrick.


                      STOP BY HIS HOME ANYTIME.
                        HIM AND HIS FAMILY.
                        MONITOR AS A BACKGROUND.
                         PATRICK, YOU HAVE SHATTERED OUR LIFE
                         WE STILL LOVE YOU VERY MUCH...
                         FOR IT WAS NOT YOUR CHOICE.


                                             PATRICK, MY ANGEL, PROTECT THEIR UNION FOREVER



                                                       WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU IMMENSELY

 Patrick, my beautiful son, you are gone to Heaven but not from my heart or my life. You will be forever in my heart, your father's and brother's. Until we meet, I will see you, feel you in every waking hour of my life and my dreams. GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN, LOVED, or CHERISHED our fondest MEMORIES.

Rest in peace and be happy in Heaven. May the Angels, the Saints, Jesus, Blessed Mother and God brighten your resting place eternally. I love you and miss you immensely.
Total Memories: 117
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