Patrick Christian Barbosa

           Hi Patrick,

 I went Monday to the Compassionate Friends meeting. I was pleased with the meeting. The group is getting larger and larger with each meeting. It is very sad to know that the group is increasing, which means we are losing our children as the same time. I will never understand why a parent.... a mother has to bury her child? Why a mother has to outlive her child? It is so wrong Patrick and it is as much harder to understand or grab the concept of losing you. With each meeting I hear different sad stories, different tragedies tangled with sadden tears. I do believe in God, in Jesus, in the Blessed Mother the Holy spirit, but I don't get my journey or your journey.

The moments at work seem to be harder to take in. I can't pretend to be normal or swallow my sorrow. I really don't know what to do with all these burdens of life that are chocking me so painfully. Please help me see through this foggy journey that seem to be so  confused, shattered, and saddly tearful as the day I lost you from these incompetent doctors. The guilt is still lurking around my gloomy soul for trusting your life with bunch of incompetent, careless doctors. Why Patrick? Why you? Why me?

I brought at the meeting a CD of music I have put together in your loving memory for the Compassionate Friends, and lots of people like my creation. I will make some more copies of the CD to bring at the Candle Light on December 12, 2010 as gift of memories in your honor, so every time they listen to the CD, it brings thoughts of my precious son Patrick and joy of whipers from their children... their Angels. The bereavement group is my new family from the Compassionate Friends to the Last Memories memorial club.

I know you have said through Lisa Williams about updating your website. I pray and hope you will come in my dreams and clearify your comments. My wish is to make your website a memorable page that will touch each soul, each life, each moment one browses your beautiful page. I hope you like what I have created specially for my precious son. I pray you will help me do the best I can in your memory. You know two minds work better than one. I also pray you will help me motivate myself to go back to writing if you think I can still be the writer my heart has always craved for... my soul has dreamed since my childhood. I thought I could make it as a writer if I try harder and listen to my heart, then boom! you left me to join God and my whole life changed brusquely with no will, no desire, no though, no feeling to hope or dream with. I am really empty, alone, and so depressed. No one should feel empty if this life should be experienced and lived for.... but the mystery of life can surely struck one down and leave one so hopeless and helpless to pick up what left of a puzzled, distraught life. I pray God, Jesus, Blessed Mother and the Holy Spirit will have mercy on my soul and let me see that light at the end of the tunnel people so much believe in and hope for, that exist for everyone of us. I pray it is my turn to feel that little peace, hope to continue my little baby steps toward my journey to help the world and now keep your memory alive and beyond my calling to God's kingdom. Amen. 

The people at the Compassionate Friends have a lot of faith in me with my writing, and they want a poem for the Candle Light ceremony. I hope I can give them a beautiful gift of love for my son to cherish beyond... 

With that, my son, I am going to bed with a little hope you will join me later in my dreams. You know it is the only way I can see you, feel you, or touch you. I pray one day I will get that wish I am so longing for to communicate with my son as other people do. I believe I deserve that wish too... I am a hopeless, helpess, and lost mother to a special son/Angel called Patrick Christian.... so see you around precious son!  

Good night Patrick! God Bless you Son! Love, Mom.

Hi Patrick,

Thank you so much for coming through with Lisa Williams. I was a little frustrated, afraid you would not come, but you did pull through. Please come in my dreams  or give me a sign that everything will be fine with all these problems I have been having on top of my emptiness, loneliness from losing my precious son. Please watch over your brothers Steve, Frederick, and Kevin and bring them close together with the strongest bond, relationship, for it is very important to me. Please don't let your brothers forget you. Take care of your nephew Mason Patrick. I hope he has your angelic characteristics, your charisma. Alyana misses you so much, and I pray you will visit her often in her dreams. Help Braelynn to know you well as she grows up. My biggest fear is for people, family to forget you. Help me keep your precious life and memories alive. Help me go back to my writing if it God's will because I am too sad and empty to do anything or think anythink that is right for me. Until we meet again in Heave, please stay close to along this painful journey. I love you Son so much. I miss you so dearly. I need you and longing for your presence. Thank you for the signs that throws at me when I am at my lowest point. May God always comfort you with eternal life, love, peace, joy, and glory.

May the Holy Spirit embrace with eternal light. May the Holy spirit come to me and show me the way and send my son to me. Amen. Love, Mom. 

Hi Patrick,

I just came from my cousin Viviane's house. I brought her one of your T-shirts she did not get to have on your Angel Day. I appreciate all her prayers and memorial masses she always gives in your memory.

 Patrick, my pain is getting worse with each passing day instead of better as people have pointed out. Life will never be the same without you. That is the fact I understand as agonizing as it mirrors my racing thoughts, my broken heart, shattered soul... world. I am still waiting for that small light of hope to cushion my pain. Steve just told that Tina and him just set their wedding day on October 1, 2011... another event will happen without you. Why Patrick? I don't understand my journey or your new journey. I just pray and hope you are really with us and you will help me walk this horrible journey that is draining me. I am so hopless, depressed, empty without my son. I hope you are very happy with God because I am not. I need you Patrick... I need my son in my life. Until we meet again, I hold you close in my heart and soul filled with gentle thougths and prayers for you... my beautiful son. Have a peaceful, glorious night... journey. I love you very much. I miss you immensely.Please give me the strength to give your precious memories alive... that is the only thing that is keeping me alive, sane. YOU ARE NEVER FORGOTTEN!  LOVE, MOM.                     

    Hi Patrick,

How are you? I pray you are adjusting very well in Heaven with God, Jesus, and Blessed Mother beside all our loved ones and all the Angels at Last Memories and also all of God's Angels and Saints. This sad club has been a great support to me along my empty journey. I hope you had a great time on your first birthday in Heaven. I also hope you were among us on your birthday especially at Church and at the cemetery. Deacon Paul gave a nice prayer in your memory. The cemetery was crowded with people who came to pay their respect and honor your precious life and sweet memories. For the first time since that fated morning you left me empty to join God in Heaven, I felt a little peace in my broken heart when I saw all people who here for you. It was very touching to see all these people around your gravesite honoring your life. I was not expecting so many people. I am so touched people are remembering you... your life.

With the grace of God, I will work very hard to keep your life, memories alive in this world. Please walk with me and help me give my precious son this gift of love. Talk to God to grant me my wish. If you are close to me and can read my mind, my heart, you will understand all about my undying wish I love to be granted. I miss you so much, Patrick. I still don't understand why you are not here with me. Please help me understand our different journeys. I am looking forward to see my son again. Please be at the gate of heaven when I am done with my work. Amen. Please Patrick watch over your brothers... show them the way to brotherly love. Your brothers Steve, Frederick, and Kevin really need your intervention along their earthly journey. Take care of your nieces: Alyana, Braelynne, Desiree, and Armani and also your nephews Mason Patrick and Dion. You are all their wonderful guardian angel.

My biggest fear is for friends and family to forget my precious son Patrick. It aches deep into my shattered soul.

My greatest joy is to hear your name mentioned, your memories shared with friends and family. It soothens my pain and gives me hope to walk my lonely journey.

Patrick, you are always on my mind. You are always in my heart... our bond, love will never be broken. I pray one day my faith will help me see that is really a beautiful life after death... after this painful nostalgia. I miss you so much that word can not describe my true feeling, my hurting, my tearful joueney. I pray one day with God's grace I will find that peace I am longing for so much. I pray our journeys are parallel and you are still here with me. I pray you will visit me more often in my dreams... your sweet visits really ease my pain even for a moment. I wish you with all my heart and soul for a very blessed, peaceful, joyful, and glorious journey in Heaven. May your light burn brightly and FOREVER in Heaven. Love, Mom.

                    HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY PATRICK!

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY PRECIOUS SON/ANGEL!

                              HAPPY ANGEL DAY PATRICK!

Good evening Patrick,

I hope you had a great Angel Day in Heaven. I pray my grandmother, my father, your grandmother, my Godfather, and everyone else who is is Heaven were helping you celebrate Your  Angel Day in great harmony. If you are really with me, then you will know about tribute to celebrate your precious life on your website. Please come into my dreams and let me if you like it. I am vey tired from having a hectic day, I will turn myself in. We will talk more tomorrowv after work. Have lovely night and sweet dreams in Heaven.

I love you so much. I miss so deeply. I need so dearly in my life. See you in my dreams my Angel!

             ALWAYS LOVED AND CHERISHED!

                            FOREVER REMEMBERED!

Good evening, Patrick

How are you doing in Heaven? I pray you are safe, happy in Heaven. Here on earth, life has stopped for your poor mother the day God called you home. Tomorrow is the independence of America... a joyful holiday to celebrate. Everyone in the house has left to enjoy the 4th of July. Your father went to Chicago. Frederick went with his girlfriend Victoria. Kevin also went out with his girlfriend Jen. Steve went to a cookout with his little family. What about your mother? I am here alone at home feeling alone, sad, empty without my son Patrick. My life has changed Patrick, and I really don't know how else to feel but sadness.

I have been reading endlessly books about "afterlife," etc just to get a glimpse of hope, peace in my broken heart that my son Patrick is really close to me. I hope all these stories are real... death is just another destination  to another life. Sometimes I believe it but it does not ease my hurting or missing you so much.

I really need to see you more often in my dreams to ease my pain. I pray God will grant my wish one day soon to have my Angel Patrick in my life on this earth... along my journey until we meet again in Heaven. I miss you so much Patrick. There is no word to describe my pain, my missing you. I will be at work tomorrow. I pray you will have  the most beautiful, peaceful, joyful, and glorious 4th of July in Heaven. My love to my grand mother, my father... the whole family that are with you, Michael Jackson and all the Angels from Last Menories. I hope you have met them all. I love you. I miss you. I need you Son.

                HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, PATRICK!

                                   LOVE, MOM

TEARS OF A PRICE OF LOVE FOR MY SON PATRICK

Good evening, Patrick!

Your Angel Day is just around the corner. I can't believe it will be a year you went to God... a year my heart was broken into pieces... a year you have left me behind with a shattered life, a sorrowful, unbearable, unthinkable journey to walk through. It will be again a year my soul was shattered with the deepest hole that can't be healed until I join you in Heaven... a year I have been hearing hurtful statements from people who will never understand my loss, my pain, my emptiness. Why can't they understand my pain, my loneliness, my emptiness? Why, Patrick? My life will never be the same no matter what their statements say! That person is gone with you to Heaven. Now I pray hard for God to give me the faith, the strength to keep your sweet memories alive. When I am done with my work on this earth... my wish is granted with the grace of God, I will look forward to meet my beautiful son at the gate of Heaven where I will finally be free of pain, stress, tears, fear, sorrow. Amen.

Last Thursday, I went to Nathalie's house to drop off Angel cards for your Angel day. She told me about a similar case of head injury of a lady who was suffering of a lot of headaches and vomiting the same symptoms you were suffering. That lady was misdiagnosed at the emergency room and sent home. Thank God her sister sent that fortunate woman back to the hospital and she insisted in having a cat scan done on her sister. The doctors did the cat scan and found a cyst in her brain. That lucky woman was proprely and safely treated. If it was for the sister, that poor patient would not survive her misdiagnosis (suntan problem.)

 Unfortunately you were not that lucky! I wish I did not trust the doctors. They sent you home to die!  I wish I had sent you back to the hospital after you told me about your headaches. I thought your headaches were from not eating all day and from vomiting seeing those incompetents doctors had misdiagnosed you with a stomach virus. That dam stomach virus diagnosis thew me off of your main symptoms. I am so sorry for letting the doctors let you down. I will live with this horrible guilt that is eating me alive slowly along with the agony of losing my son until I join you. I am so sorry Patrick! Oh, how I wish I can go back to July 14, 2009 before that fated morning July 15 and fix the problem those doctors caused. I wish I knew about your headaches before you went to the doctor... the hospital... the doctors knew about your headaches and did nothing... not a thing to save your precious life! How horrible was their pratice! 

 Patrick, I am trying very hard to prepare your Angel Day to be as special as you. Please help me stay strong to make your memories alive and vibrant in my life... in this world. Amen. Watch over your brothers, your nieces, nephews.

MAY YOUR HEAVENLY JOURNEY BE AS PEACEFUL, JOYFUL, GLORIOUS AS GOD'S KINGDOM. AMEN.

                              BE SAFE, PATRICK! LOVE, MOM.

WISHING MY ANGEL PATRICK A    BLESSED,GLORIOUS, PEACEFUL, AND HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY IN HEAVEN!

Hi Patrick,

How is the day going with you? I pray you have a blessed,

happy Memorial day with God, Jesus, Blessed Mother, and all

the Angels and Saints. I also pray you have celebrated this day on earth with my father, my grand mother, your grand mother and all our loved ones who are with you. I hope and pray you and all the Angels from Last Memories have met, bonded, and celebrated Memorial Day.

Your new nephew Mason Patrick is growing up steadly. Please watch over your brothers Steve, Frederick, and Kevin. Your nieces Alyana, Braelynn, Desiree, and Irmani, and nephews Mason Patrick and Dion... protect them and take care of them for me. You are our special guardian Angel.

 Patrick, my life is getting worst by the moment without you in my life. I still don't understand my new journey or yours. I hope you are very happy, at peace in Heaven because your safety is very important to me. Please do always stay with me for I need my son... my Angel so much.

Memorial Day now really gets to me, for it reminds me of my horrible loss. Help me get stronger to keep your memories alive and well in this world. You are always on my mind. You are always in my heart. I am looking forward to the day I meet my Angel son Patrick. I am sure you will be at the gate to receive your mother. I pray sometimes you are with me at the cemetery... like today that I spent two hours with my son reading and listening to Michael Jakson's songs. I am still praying, hoping for my wish to come true. I need you more often in my dreams to spend time with my son. Help me feel your presence. Amen. Take care of yourself... stay close to me. LOVE, MOM.