Patrick Christian Barbosa

How We Survive

If we are fortunate,
we are given a warning.

If not,
there is only the sudden horror,
the wrench of being torn apart;
of being reminded
that nothing is permanent,
not even the ones we love,
the ones our lives revolve around.

Life is a fragile affair.
We are all dancing
on the edge of a precipice,
a dizzying cliff so high
we can't see the bottom.

One by one,
we lose those we love most
into the dark ravine.

So we must cherish them
without reservation.
Now.
Today.
This minute.
We will lose them
or they will lose us
someday.
This is certain.
There is no time for bickering.
And their loss
will leave a great pit in our hearts;
a pit we struggle to avoid
during the day
and fall into at night.

Some,
unable to accept this loss,
unable to determine
the worth of life without them,
jump into that black pit
spiritually or physically,
hoping to find them there.

And some survive
the shock,
the denial,
the horror,
the bargaining,
the barren, empty aching,
the unanswered prayers,
the sleepless nights
when their breath is crushed
under the weight of silence
and all that it means.

Somehow, some survive all that and,
like a flower opening after a storm,
they slowly begin to remember
the one they lost
in a different way...

The laughter,
the irrepressible spirit,
the generous heart,
the way their smile made them feel,
the encouragement they gave
even as their own dreams were dying.

And in time, they fill the pit
with other memories
the only memories that really matter.

We will still cry.
We will always cry.
But with loving reflection
more than hopeless longing.

And that is how we survive.
That is how the story should end.
That is how they would want it to be.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

                           I LOVE YOU SON. I MISS YOU.

My heart goes out to you�you never do get over it. All this stuff you see on television about "finding closure" is nonsense, because there can never be any closure to this nightmare. It's just a trite and rather stupid statement on the part of those witnessing, but not affected by the loss (such as television viewers and commentators) or people who know the survivors and want to say or do something to offer relief but don't know what to do, so they talk about "closure" because that's the only way they can come to terms with such a cataclysmic loss.

The fact is, most people can't stand to see other people experiencing intense, prolonged, wrenching grief. They don't know how to cope with it, and, in fact, they are afraid of it, because if it can happen to you, then it can happen to them. And that's irritating, if not enraging, if you're suffering like this because in the midst of such grief, you soon feel the unspoken pressure to make it comfortable for everyone in your orbit (school, work, friends, etc.), and "get over" your grief (i.e., "find closure.")

I know I've wanted scream, scream, scream over the years to everyone that I have to interact with that due to this shock and unbearable loss, I cannot function like you do -- that I live in a different world that you cannot possibly understand --so that if you want "appropriate laughter" and "appropriate tears" at "appropriate times" -- and if you want someone who always balances her checkbook correctly and makes all her trains on time -- then you've got the wrong girl. Sometimes I have to struggle through every day just to do the routine things, because little things will trigger memories, and elements of rage and regret, and I'm just not tuning in.

Most of the world doesn't understand this, however; and does not tolerate it. It's one of the many scars we survivors have to bear.

                                          by Penny Stanton Trujillo

                  A LOSTMOM'S NEW JOURNEY

How can I laugh when I am too broken-hearted?

How can I not be sad and tearful when my heart was ripped apart when I lost my precious son Patrick?

How can I not be broken hearted when I am walking this sad journey lonelier, emptier with each passing day without Patrick in my life.

But I pray with each thought of my son, with each heart beat I will always have my sanity to cherish my son's memories and keep him alive in my broken heart, my shattered soul until I meet again my son Patrick and be whole again...be happy again.

I can heal from a broken marriage

I can heal from a financial problems

I can heal from losing a parent, a sibling, or

a relative, or a friend...

But I can never heal from losing my child

A child is a gift from God to love, to cherish

Forever and ever...

How can I heal from losing the best gift

God has given me?

I am just a hopeless, helpless mother.

I just miss Patrick more than I can

Understand the feeling.

With God grace I will find that peace,

the truth I have been searching for not the

Healing... The pain will end with my

Life as I walk through that gate of

Heaven seeing my son Patrick with

Open arms waiting to heal forever his

Mom's broken heart.

 How can I heal when I don't understand

My pain, my broken heart?

I only understand LOVE NEVER ENDS!!!

                                        LOSTMOM TO PATRICK BARBOSA

                                             I WILL BE

                   If you think of me as gone forever,

                                          I will be.

                    If you think of me as sadness and tears,

                                           I will be.

                     If you think of me as your broken heart,

                                          I will be.

                      That's not what I want to be, but I will be.

                      If you think of me as memories to cherish,

                                           I will be.

                       If you think of me as laughter and joy,

                                           I will be.

                        If you think of me as your healing heart,

                                            I will be.

                        That's what I want to be, please, let me be.

                                         By Rob Anderson, Brendon's dad 

                                     MY MOM IS A SURVIVOR

                          My mom is a survivor,

                          or so I' ve heard it said.

                          But I can hear her crying at night

                           When all others are in bed.

                          I watch her lay awake at night

                          and go to hold her hand.

                          She doesn't know I am with her

                           to help her understand.

                          But like the sands on the beach

                          that never wash away...

                          I watch over my surviving mom,

                           who think of me each day.

                           She wears a smile for others...

                            a smile of disguise!

                             But through Heaven's door I see 

                             tears flowing from her eyes.

                              My mom tries to cope with death

                               to keep my memory alive.

                                But anyone who knows her knows

                                 it is her way to survive.

                                 As I watch over my surviving mom

                                  through Heaven's open door...

                                  I try to tell her that Angels

                                  protect me forevermore.

                                  I know that doesn't help her...

                                   or ease the burden she bears.

                                   So if you get a chance, go visit her...

                                    and show her that you care.

                                    For no matter what she says...

                                     no matter what she feels.

                                  My surviving mom has a broken  heart

                                  that time won't ever heal.

                                                 Kaye Des'Ormeaux

                                                      10/15/08                   

                              FOREVER BONDED IN MY WOMB!

                                                         ღ An Eternal Bond ღ
Ⓒ Ferna Lary Mills

There is a bond that you can't see
for it's not bound with twine.
It's formed from strands within our souls,
this love that's yours and mine.ღ


***********

When I went home to be with God,
you must now understand,
I took with me this bond of love
and I still hold that strand.ღ


***********

So look now at my photograph.
The smile, you'll quickly see.
But only hearts can see the strand
forever binding You and Me.ღ


***********

Enjoy the precious memories
although we are apart.
We'll share more joys again one day.
I believe that with all my heart! ღ

         Loss of a Child (author unknown)

The moment that I knew you had died,
My heart split in two,
The one side filled with memories,
The other died with you.

I often lay awake at night,
When the world is fast asleep,
And take a walk down memory lane,
With tears upon my cheek.

Remembering you is easy,
I do it every day,
But missing you is a heartache,
That never goes away.

I hold you tightly within my heart,
And there you will remain,
Life has gone on without you,
But it never will be the same.      

    THE MARTYR OF LOVE AND LOSS OF MY SON

   The love for my son, Patrick, began the moment I found out I was pregnant.
   At five months pregnant, I could not do any house chore, because the pressure of the fetus was unbearable on my womb but acceptable for the undying love of my unborn child.
 July 17, 1988, at 5:20 in the morning, a healthy, big, and cute baby boy was born exactly 9 lb, at Women $ Infant hospital. I named my baby, Patrick Christian Barbosa after the actor, Patrick Swaze, because I was so fond of him and his talent.
Patrick was a quiet baby, an active child, and again back to a quiet, shy, friendly adolescent.
On July, 15, 2009, at around 11: 00 in the morning, my beautiful Patrick passed away in his sleep without a warning after a wonderful journey of twenty short years of his life.
I am left behind in shock, in despair for longing my son and understand my horrible loss.
Believe me when I say my heart won't let me go of my pain and suffering since God called my son home.
I know sometimes, people insensitivity may mean well, but their words still cut deep into my broken heart and weaken it even more as I shed uncontrollable sad tears.

No one understand my love for my son Patrick or my unforgettable loss... even a mother herself.
My love for my son, is unexplainable, unimaginable, unconditionally beyond all the virtue of true love.
Now, imagine me with that same feeling of loss...
It's unthinkable, unspeakable, intolerable beyond all the virtue of hope to get past the reality and the faith that God, Our Creator, knows best.
 Now I pray and pray for Patrick and me and for my thoughts good or bad.
I cry and cry for my great loss, my broken heart; my longing for my beloved son Patrick
I hope and wish to see my son just once and tell him I love and miss him so much beyond words and life itself.
Until we meet, Patrick, rest in peace eternally in Heaven.
As you were an angel on Earth, your wings will now spread bigger in Heaven and upon the blue sky... your favorite color
 Please watch over your family and help me heal and be in peace.
     
                                                                     GISELE G BARBOSA

Dedicated to my son, Patrick

                                   Things you should believe        

The world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...
Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
But we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
You shouldn't be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something t otally different..

I Believe...
Your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
Even when you think you have no more to give, when
A friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe....
Credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
The people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of anything!

 

Peace!

 
From an unknown recipient.

My friend, Yvonne, sent it to me awhile back. God knows I need my faith back. My life is unbearable right now as my sorrow deepens into my broken heart. I wish I have told Patrick that I love him very much very day, especially the morning God called my son home. I saw Patrick several hours before I found him lifeless in bed. My son knocked at my door around 6'oclock in that morning to ask for tylenol for his pounding headache. I gave him some Motrin; he went back to his bedroom, and I also went back to bed. I was so tired after working 48 hours in three days, and also staying late night until 3'oclock in the morning... three hours later, my poor son called me for help. I wish I had hugged him and told him I love him and he is very important in my life. Now I can't say that anymore, I can't hold my son in my arms. God, I am feel so guilty and alone.
  I am trying to reach my Angel, my savior to help me find peace and understanding about my great loss. What should I do God? Please hear my crying help. Keep taking care of my beloved son, Patrick. I need to feel peace for my son and for myself. Amen.

       My Angel, Rest in Peace. You are heavenly Loved!